Who am I?
meet the mind behind "lost thoughts from the heart"
I am Maria Restrepo and I often ask myself this question too. I'm an optimistic girl who strives to speak to humanity through deep thoughts and emotions. I hope that through journalism and writing, I'll be able to find who I truly am and eventually share it with the world.
lost thoughts from the heart
a girl's journey in discovering who she is
This is a place where I am free to write about my feelings, curiosities, and concerns. I've loved writing for as long as I can remember. It's an escape from reality; something that makes me truly happy.
my thoughts
the fight with one's confidence
I don’t know how people do it
I don't know how they can just-
Live their lives pretending that their happy.
Pretending that they feel a certain way.
They portray it as if it were their nature
I wonder how they do it…
I’m curious as to why we cannot express what we feel
Or why we are scared to show the world what we feel.
I hope one day, that this won’t be a fear anymore.
I hope one day, that it’ll be okay to show our emotions
To not be called weak, depressed, or hopeless.
I hope that one day, people will talk about their feelings freely.
To go with their hearts and learn to love themselves for who they are.
I hope this happens…
But most importantly, I hope this happens to me.
written by Maria Restrepo, 2018
one's internal fight with insomnia
It’s 3:00am. Everything is dark and the only form of security I have is my blanket. At times I wonder, why am I awake? Why can’t I go back to sleep. Is it God? A force? Some type of monster that is keeping me awake? Or is it certain thoughts that flow through my brain and stream through my veins that could do such a thing? I guess I’ll never know but I hope that one day it’ll finally stop. That I will be able to sleep and dream such fantasies that I will believe are real. And finally, to rest. Because this endless and restless fight has made me weak. And I don’t want to fight anymore. I want to be strong for myself. But before this can happen, I will continue to wonder. And maybe, just maybe, one day I will not wake up at 3:00am. I will not have to fear the dark and I’ll wake up to a light. A light that will shine so bright that it will beat out all of my darkness.
This light is my everlasting hope that one day I will be free.
A Hope for Change
It’s funny how seeing one person have a genuine smile on their face as a reaction to one of your actions can be so soothing. Knowing that because of you, they’re happy. For a moment, you put all of your selfish thoughts and actions aside and think of their happiness first. Whether that’d be making a stranger smile or a baby laugh, the feeling is so pure. I’m a strong believer that we were put on this earth to learn and grow from each other. To use each other as an escape from our own individual darkness. I hope one day that more people will have the courage to do these acts. In society today, it is not unusual for people to walk past each other and not greet each other. No eye contact because that’s awkward. No smile because that’s weird. What a happier world we would have if this weren’t the case. Maybe the world would finally be at peace this way. There would be no wars, conflicts, and violence. I can’t help but speculate how different life would be.
I hope one day to be the change our world needs. A goal to bring happiness to those in darkness; to be their sunshine on a cloudy day. And eventually, spread this view of life to the people that mean the most to me.
We’re all fighting our own battles but it’s how we lift each other up that we learn to conquer them. Therefore, be kind, sympathetic, forgiving, and courageous. There is so much more life than negative thoughts and behaviors. We can do this.
what does the heart know anyway?
Just when you thought the feeling was gone, it shows up again. Slowly at first and then all at once. Why does my heart want something my brain can’t stand? I’ve been hurt before and I should know better but why does my heart crave this pain? Am I falling in love all over again or am I just falling in love with the memories we’ve made? All of those 3am conversations keep reminiscing in my head and my brain can’t take it anymore; though my heart enjoys this as if it were a show. When will it go away? Will it ever stop? Who knows but it’s something that must be kept inside. Because when the truth is a painful thing to hear, maybe a lie could be something that can heal.
No More Words
It’s 2 am and I for once have nothing to say other that I’m aware I write too much about you
I’m staring at the moon
I focus on admiring its beauty
Yet all I think about is you
Hoping we’re staring at the same moon and thinking of our foolery
The moon looks lonely
Missing some sunshine, just a little bit of hope
I know, it sounds corny
I only wish I had a telescope
The universe is grand
Full of opportunities and billions of people
I was lucky enough to meet you
And I can only hope our adventures get a sequel
I’m still trying to figure out why I can’t forget you
Over time, our distance grew
I always think that phase through.
Deep inside my brain
Are those once amazing conversations
Turned into a haunting silence
Wrapped around my head,
making me go insane
And even giving me heart palpitations
Reminiscing the past is an awful thing
You start to think about what you should’ve done better or what you could take back
Therefore, I’ll be waiting for a time machine
So I can tell you how I truly feel
Cause love is such a crazy thing
And I really don’t know if time truly helps to heal
Realizations
Empty streets
Haunted hallways
With every creak
There comes a screech
A mighty beast
Strong and hungry
Roams the city
Looking for a feast
He finds no catch
It all seems a loss
It’s all too dark
Hallucinations start to cross
Figures of bunnies
Grazing through the fields
Wondering through pathways
Always making sure to yield
The beast realized what beautiful creatures
And decided not to hunt them
As they’re all striving for survival
Though they all have different features
Unity is required
To live in a peaceful society
Be grateful, be happy
And live life in it’s entirety
pieces
There was once a puzzle,
So perfect, so fragile.
Put together and assembled
And made even the weakest agile.
It started from a corner,
Easy as can be.
But why take the easy route?
Well, it’s really up to me.
I chose the hard route,
Worked inwards out.
But at times the pieces broke loose,
This is were I began to doubt.
The pressure was too much,
This puzzle slowly crumbled.
It was only waiting for someone, something,
To bring it out of its troubles.
Had it been humbled?
Had it been lost?
It all seemed to happen so quickly,
The pieces suddenly went to frost.
Therefore I wait for that thing or person
To help me build my puzzle
Inwards out and not the other way
And keep me from a muzzle.
But is it Justice?
As a little girl, I was always taught to treat others the way that I wanted to be treated. My parents reinforced this statement in my brain as I grew up. I never knew what it meant, I thought it was just another dumb rule that would prevent me from getting hurt; like “don’t touch the pot, its hot” or “don’t go to bed with wet hair, you’ll get sick”. I never realized that, though those statements did prevent me from getting hurt, treating others the way I wanted to be treated didn’t only involve me: it involved everyone around me as well. Fast-forward to 2020, the year of my seventeenth birthday. By this time I have learnt how to distinguish right from wrong and I have learned to utilize my voice in a matter that it’ll be heard. And most importantly, have learned the importance of treating others the way you want to be treated on another level.
All my life, I have chosen to be an optimistic girl. I choose to see the good in people and when someone points out the bad, suddenly I became deaf. This year is different. Yes, I still am optimistic, but I reject being ignorant as to what is my reality. For years, injustice was playing in my backyard and I was too young, too naive, to ever mess around with the subject. Suddenly, I wasn’t a little girl anymore and injustice wasn’t just in my backyard but it had surrounded my whole life. From false accusations, to secretive verdicts, to police brutality: enough is enough.
The land I live on claims to be free and to have justice for all: but why is this not the case? Why are innocent people still dying? Why are children begging to have their lives spared when it is something that never should be happening? Why does the color of one’s skin justify their rights? Why has my country pleaded a Civil Rights Act if it fails to be followed? Why do people feel that violence is the only way government will finally listen to them? And most importantly why are many young people, like myself, fighting for a cause that shouldn’t even be a concern in this day and age?
We need change. The world needs change. My country needs change. I refuse to silence myself as at this point my voice is one of the most powerful things I own and have the right to use. I am tired of having an aching heart. I am tired of having a privilege not everyone does. Violence isn’t the answer, unity is.
BLACK LIVES HAVE ALWAYS MATTERED.
resilience
Forgetting is easy,
Loving is freeing.
It makes you feel queasy,
It’s ending is frightening.
He moved on so quickly,
Leaves falling from trees.
Love is so tricky,
Such a hard thing to see.
Leaves turned brown,
Love began to fade.
Smiles turned to frowns,
Love turned to hate.
Memories were gone
Their laughter a joke
Conversations with new tones
Sadness as she spoke
Time flew by,
Not even birds could catch up.
Soaring through the sky,
Gradually losing their grip on love.
Darkness flooded,
Light was rare.
Emotions exploded,
It didn’t seem fair.
A tunnel in sight,
Her surroundings tight.
Surrounded by fright,
She craved the light.
She was lost.
She had reached the end,
Not a being in sight.
No rainbow for closure,
Not even a light.
Her resilience was admirable,
She had to keep searching.
Though her happiness, gullible,
Her heart, aching.
She won't stop her journey,
Not now, not ever
To grasp a love so real,
She won't ever need an attorney.
Resilient.